Couple and Happiness

Live on couple can make us very happy...or not. As Michael Argyle said on "The Psychology of Happiness". Married people are as average happier than singles, divorces, or widowed...in one analisis of 58 nothamerican studies it was find a correlation 0.14 betwen being married and goodbeing subjetive, the effect was bigger on male than on female, much bigger on yougs and more important on old studies... it was comfirmed in another studies in which variables like education, level of income, job, and age were control. Single male are less happy than single women... women give more social help the husband and he can talk to her better. Women use to talk more with their friends... ¿why to marry give so much satisfaction? ( live in couple without being married makes people a little less happy but is on the same line)
Happy married use to have more positive verbal actions than negative, less critics, more nice no verbal actions (kiss, gifts, helpful behaviours...), enjoy more sexual life, they are more time together, agree about money and they are in the line of solving problems when they have to take decitions.... couples talk a lot, this makes them to create a cognitive world share in which each one intensify the other opinions...
In a couple there are wonderfull moments and disgusting, the general subjetive satisfacción depend on both. In a study they predict married happiness subtracting to sexual relations frecuanty the number of fights.
This is what Argyle said on his book.

As a married woman, with two little children I would like to share a few things with you. I'm married with a wonderfull man since 1999, we were young and not interested on babies so we were alone during 5 years (how good)... later we went crazy and decide to have them, I adore my children but they complicate our life until one point I never thought it was possible.
So focus on married happiness what I discover was:
1º/ My happiness is my own responsability (nos my husband), any other person can make us happy. If we expect another to make us happy later or sooner this person will fail, because anybody can be in our head and read our thoughts. Our mood depends on how we understand the situations...one example: first year married, the kings day, this day is very important to me to have something on my slipper in the morning... but my husband was more worry to give me something I like, so a few days before in a street market I saw a leather wallet very beautefull, he bought it to me and told me this was may gift, I didn´t think much because in my family we never do that way, the gifts were a surprise given on the slippers in the morning.... so it came the day and I have nothing.... I was very sad but I understud it was his desire of making me happy... what it was making me so sad... after this day I always explain to him what I really want very clear.... the last one was to explain to him the different meaning of a flower and a plant as a gift, to me a flower is romantic and a way he tell me he loves me, a simbol, to him is to throw the money because it last a few days only, it's much better a plant that last a lot of time... but it´s not what I want....misunderstood in couple are very typical, no one understand the same things in the same ways, the only way is being clear, if you don´t tell your couple what you feel, he can´t know it
2º/ Accept your couple justthe way he/she is. The problem here is that we don't use to accept ourselves so... When you accept yourselves better you are more indulgent with the others, if you are able to see your goods and your defects and take it easy you will make it with the rest, your couple, your children....and over all you won´t be looking for the fail on the others to feel better with yourself.
To accept oneselve is not easy, takes time, understand you don´t have to be perfect, and you don´t have to make what anybody expect, to realize that everybody have barbaric thinking sometimes, to respect oneself and allow to do what you really want, to allow to do things accepting the possibility they go bad.. At the end is something like being the best friend, somebody that is always with you in good and bad....
We live in a society that judges, this is bad, this is good, this is....the things have to be make in one way, there is always critic... we have to go out this game, it´s not your problem what other think, your problem is what you think and in this you have a lot to say

3º/ The most important is to focus on the good of your couple, he is a real person, not a blue prince, not an ideal. He is real with some caracteristics, some you like more, some less, some you hate. Well, you can focus on what you prefer, if you focus on what you hate it´s better to divorce, there´s no hope... but if you focus on the good the most of time, love will grow and life will be much easy.
One example of everyday living, when I married my husband was a littel special with food. I like to cook (but not everyday), he use to critic when something was not very good... and this make me to hate to cook to him. I told him that when I cook I try to make it the best I know and I'm concern about health so I try to cook healthy and tasty but if he always tell me when I do bad and never when he likes I was
going to stop cooking to him and letting him to cook his own food. My husband understand how bad he makes me to feel so even if he doesn´t use to tell me anything when I make it very good he use to eat very quietly when I do bad. Women use to be very critic when men make something at home, genetic consideration apart man making the homework are different, they are not so trained like women .....if your man makes the effort don´t get him down
4º/ the sex, it´s important to strengthen the relation, my experience (I don´t know if it´s more or less usual) is that littel by littel I lose interest (my husband keep it) so we have some problems with this. It´s very sad to discover you so cold.... I discover that sex like any other thing has to be look after in the couple... I was looking for information and at the end one sentence in a book make me to think. Man think on sex a lot, women don´t, ..... let´s think about sex, I try to think about it everyday sometimes and reading erotic books.... it work.... I´m very happy and my husband... more

I hope it help and you enjoy.
A kiss


Resumiendo, muy útil para la salud de la relación de pareja, es hablar claro y no esperar que el otro adivine, quererse y respetarse mucho a uno mismo (a los demás les gusta estar con gente así), aceptarse a uno mismo y al otro tal y como se es; centrar la atención en todo lo bueno de tu pareja (y rezar para que la pareja haga lo mismo con nosotros), no juzgar, disfrutar de la sexualidad...en fin, usar el sentido común, si algo te hace daño a ti, no lo hagas a los demás...
Besos y a disfrutar....