What do you watch for breakfast?

I don´t know you, but me in the mornings have a down mood. I usually watch the news while I breakfast but this last days in the web of TV they publish a best moments of a comedy couple so... well, my mood had improved absolutely, I´m begining thinking that until noon we should not concentrate in anything serious, we still have time enought to save the world later, haven´t we?...I´m still impressed with a version in Heavy Metal of Heidi (the one of the granfather and Peter...)...Very seriously, have a Happy New Year.

Education or taming

I’m use to be asked about supernany, this make me to write about the education.
Educate is not easy and there’s not a shortcut to do it, human beings learn observing another person, by consequences and what they are taught
We can make ourselves questions about this. What kind of person do I want my kids to be when they grow up? What is really important? What values I want them to have? As we answer we will have the way.
I have two little kids and I know very well how complicate is educate them, how bad I feel when they suffer and even so I have to keep on making what they don´t want, and sometimes they make me so angry that I cry them, but thanks to them I have learn a lot about human beings and what really mind.
There are two ways to face the first years of a kid, one is to educate being conscious, you need to really want and sacrifice sometimes. The other is taming, teach to obey, but do we really want our kids to obey when adults? Or we prefer they to think on their own?.
Another point are the limits, of course, the limits are necessary (I don’t allow my kids to jump by the window, or throw stones to kitties… common sense helps a lot in this area), and we are responsible of their behavior when in public (I have the use of not allowing them to disturb another people), but I don’t think education consist only in putting limits What it really mind is what I do. If I want my kids to be respectful, I have to be it myself. If I want them to be happy I have to teach them what is really important. If I want them to be sensitive with another people I have to be sensitive with them and show them how I feel and why, how them feel and why.
Rewards and punishment can be of use to something in particular but human beings are very complicated to manipulate them that way
The other day I was told about a girl who was jealous because she had had a brother like if this would have be a terrible problem to the mother, the problem is to the poor little girl who has not enough skills to deal with her feelings, the mother has to make her to understand there is love enough to both. When a kid has a brother or sister is logical and natural to feel weird, change is always complicated to deal with, children have little experience so everything is more frightening to them than to adults, a program of rewards and punishment is not going to help a kid to deal with the feelings but teach to hide them so the education fail because a principal roll of parents is to teach how to deal with feelings.
A good idea is to be on their feet, remember how we thought on their age, give them what they really need. Let them play in the park and forgetting about all this important things they have to learn to be adults of success (you know, quantum phisic and chinese). There is time to everything but what children need really is to play and our obligation is to give them time to do it, maybe we would like to do another thing but at the end it was us who decide to have the kids, so we have to face our responsability

Independence, moral and relations with others:

To be able to relation properly with others we have to know how to relation with ourselves first, to love another is necessarily to love oneself as it happen with respect…
If you are able to relation properly with yourself you are an independence person… How to develop independence? Though moral and ethics, give us the way to consider our thoughts and behavior (not judge) our environment and the relation with others.
Using a few minutes of our time to think about morality take us to a deeper relation with ourselves, to do so, we can think about what we would like our relatives, friends…say to one person who writes our biography, we can also search for information about that subjects, what moral rules last along centuries and what change, moral in different cultures… this can give us a wide idea and make our life richer.
How independence improve our relation with others? Relation from respect makes others to know what to expect and trust. Trust is the base to human relations. Honesty and integrity are easy recognition by everybody

We can focus our life in a lot of things, some make it on the children, couple, friends, goods, fashion…. We use to focus in what we have been taught.. Relatives and another people around us are very important but if we focus our life on them and depend on them we make us and them bad. A wife who depends on her husband has not an own life and this suffocate the relation, kills the trust, raises the fear…
There are people focus on hate to another, this makes their lives completely miserable and they suffer a lot. Hate hurts the person who feel it more than anybody else.
Think about what kind of person we would like to be and what moral we would like to develop take us into a path of personal growing that allowed us to be more relax and happiest.
A kiss

short idea to up happiness

One friend tells me since she discover the blog that I should write often… there are always excuses but it’s what is chosen.

On Friday I was reading the week puzzle in Richard Wiseman blog and I thought it would be a good idea to do the same, every week write an idea about how to up the happiness…. There are million things one can do to this, changing ways of thinking, some small habits, or change completely our mind… in general it’s not so difficult to feel better, only thinking something nice is enough… We live in a tragic, tragic society, it looks like we’re in a competition about who is the most unfortunate, the news programs in a competition to scare us more and more… we can always try the opposite, we only live once, and living is very dangerous, anybody survives, so better taking less seriously ourselves and enjoy…

By the way, Wisseman puzzle is: What is X value? 16-01-68-88-X-98, I have an idea but I’m not very sure, I give the answer when I have it.

After all this talking… what idea…

This one is very useful, memory and mood are very relation, when we feel bad we remember bad situations… when we feel good we remember good situations. If we remember happy things we change our mood… you can remember sad and getting sad if your weird…

The idea of the week is just that… remember something happy, look for your happy remembers,
We have happy remembers of all kind, parties, tenderness, emotive, intense… our life is full of wonderful moments, the brain is very connected and the first moment you remember something happy, more and more happy remembers you will discover you have. It never happen to you being with a longtime friend, begin remembering stuff and realize how many things you were able to remember?, the first time it happen to me I also realize about my age…

Hope it will be useful, you can do it anywhere, any moment, even in a traffic jam… you have a lost time… you can remember… be careful not to laugh alone.
Big kiss

State of fear

I want to post this extract from "State of fear" Michael Crichton, it really makes me to think:

Has it ever ocurred to you how astonishing the culture of Western society really is?
Industrialized nations provide their citizens with unprecedented safety, health, and comfort. Average life spans increased fifty percent in the last century. Yet modern people live in abject fear. They are afraid of strangers, of disease, of crime, of environment. They are afraid of the homes they live in, the food they eat, the technology that surrounds them. They are in a particular panic over things they can´t even see- germs, chemicals, additives, pollutants. They are timid, nervous, fretful, and depressed. And even more amazingly, they are convinced that the environment of the entire planet is being destroyed around them. Remarkable! Like the belief in withchcraft, it´s an extraordinary delusion- a global fantasy worthy of de Middle Ages. Everything is going to hell, and we must all live in fear. Amazing

It´s page 551

Learning to be happy

The capacity to enjoy life can be learn as nearly anything else. Our brain can be shape all life long.
The search on how the brain works is making us to understand better how we take decisions and how we can use this knowledge to be happy.
Brain is like a net (like fishermen’s), when you sew more and more in one part this makes stronger, this is similar to what it happens in our brain, when you think more in something this thought gets stronger, It´s interesting an article from Lena Jelinek and Steffen Moritz. “Association Splitting”, you can get the manual in this link: http://www.uke.uni-hamburg.de/kliniken/psychiatrie/index_31780.php
Education is very important to develop the skill to be happy. When baby, to be care with love and tenderness is very importatn because it generate a pre schema where new knowledge will be add. We develope a system of beliefs about how we are, how the world is, what we can expect from others and the world, what is good and bad, how to behave…. This schema can be change along the whole life, human beings have capacity of learning all life long.
Why I talk about beliefs? We do because faith, we believe things are on one way and we behave as effect. If you believe that you need to wear red shoes to go to work or something really wrong will happen, would you be able to go to work with white shoes?... we really do this way. To any knowledge association we associate a feeling, here red shoes—work—fear. The story can be easy or not, it depends on what work you have… If your are a clown… or you are a priest….
If we search in our memory we can find beliefs that are little logical (over all in another persons, of course…).
For example, I have two children, full of energy (from always, who sais newborns are not active?), with my expectative and the ones of my mother in love about how much food they need we generate a problem… I consider that they should eat more but… as they were healthy and active I didn´t worry so much, one day I reconsider the expectative because my mother in love went to far, she told me that if I didn´t obligate my older doughter to eat more her stomach would close…. Well, this was too much, my doughter had always be even more than the average on the percentiles so if she was healthy, energy and growing there was no evidence she was not feeding herself enough…my concern should be the quality not the quantity.
To obligate a baby or a child to eat can be a kind of abuse…and our society is very tolerant to it.
How I can learn to be happy? We have to evaluate what we belief in…. the key can be our emotions… when we emotion we get angry, or need to imposition our opinion to another person we should stop and think, why our opinion is better than the other.
To look for arguments against our beliefs can open our mind, to exposition to different ways of thinking…. And not necessary about big things, it can be about our every day life, why we criticize the others, their clothes, their behaviour… to search for information as checked as posible (the science by the moment is the best we have).
The books, news, the programs on tv, radio… are made by persons and no one have the whole truth.
Dogmas exist even in science, we are very passional about our knowledge, we only have to take a look in history and observe how many fights, murders, crimes….. because of ideas, people thinking different things and trying to live in their way… and we keep now on this way… maybe should be better to understand that the most of our ideas are a inheritance from former people
We can have a better control of our life and be more happy if we get more aware why we think the way we do, why we believe something one way… we can understand better another people trying to know where this ideas were coming.

Hope to be of help…a kiss

Reasoning

Reasoning is the most useful tool we have to be free. Human brain evolution in relation with environment to let us live enough so we procreate and ensure the survival of offspring while living in social groups. Obviously the evolution goal was not we to be able to solve trigonometry problems, this was a "collateral damage".
As social brain we organize information on schemes (stereotypes) with an emotional value, so if we are interested on something we remember it without effort but if we aren´t ... we have to make a huge effort.
We organize in groups and we need to identify on them so we look for de differences with other groups, so we generate prejudices and we feel as dangerous those who don´t agree with us.
Brain is a sophisticated organ, we can make cause-effect relations in milliseconds and little information comes to our concious. There are lost of factors that influence us without we realize (on Richard Wiseman books there are interesting searchs. "59 seconds" "Quirkology")
So what we can do to be free? We can develop reasoning, we can think why we do what we do, why when another disagree and see the world in a different way is so unpleasant.
Develop reasoning is not difficult and it gets easier with practicing, it make us to stop judge and begin understand, it lows amazingly anger with world and the rest of human beings, it devolop love.
Example
1/ Search arguments against what we think absolutely true. It´s not to change opinion but to conseder differents views
- if agree with abort, consider why not
- if hate/ dislike muslims, romanian, gypsy.... or any other cultural, politic group is good to make a search about this group and find all the positive and similarities with us (remember we are designed to see the differences of another groups)
- Try to answer questions (sometimes they seem to be absurd) like this:
If basically all male are the same naked (more or less) as all female (essentially), why is so important to be always covered and it´s so indecent to show the genitals, even if it´s warm enough to false the obvios premise of to not get cold.
why if vaccines are medicine like the rest it´s not possible to talk about the secundary effect without being a anti system radical? Why breastfeeding is son obscene? why my daughter can not be dress like a princes of a fary tell on a normal day without me be consider as a raving lunatic? (prejuices about clothing give material to a doctoral thesis
There lost of questions and search, I give examples that interest me but anyone can search about what prefer, the only important thing is never to answer... why? Because.
So... hope it help anybody if it´s so thank it to may lovely cats that decided to run a little at 6:30 so wake me up and I begin thinking. kiss