Here I'm again, looking for the way of thinking that make us to feel better.
Tunnel vision: We consider only a part of the information, the negative. Reality is filtered, only pay attention to lost, rejections, injustice..Skip pleasant and reinforcing aspects. This way of thinking is very usual, you only have to see the television, the journalist in particular must have a course to train it in the university. This particular irrational thought is very dangerous because our happiness depends on how we can realize about the good on our life. We live in the best place in the world with the higher quality of life, the most have a good family, couple, children, friends, a house to live (sure it's beauty and comfortable), a car to travel, nutritive and tasty food.....but what we do... we compare with supermultimillonarios and despite I would not mind to win in the lottery money enought to 8 generations of luxury and fortune, it's clear this is not going to give more happiness than the one I have right now, because the happiness depends on that I accept my life and consider the wonderful things I have on it. Besides we're on the best period of history, imagine to be born on middle ages or ancient Rome....
Overgeneralization: generalize the negative part of an experience.Something like.. I failed this exam I'm not good on study best I quit.
Use Never, Always, all, none...We use habitual this words when we dispute with another, we use to dispute because we feel upset and we want the other to feel as bad as we feel, if we want to solve a problem we sit down and have a conversation, don't feel bad, you were not concius of this, next time you don't have any excuse. Well, when we dispute (to get blood remember) we use this words that manipulate, make feel guilty and show us as victims. When we're alone we can use to feel victims, something like.... none love me (well, anybody can think whatever... but if anybody loves you, something really littel probably you always can try to love yourself)
lots lots of kisses, I will continue....
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
irrational thoughts 2
Hi, Im again with the irrational thoughts. To understand the way we think give us tools to have a better vision of things, more control. As I coment on the last post about this, our brain didn't develop to make us philosophers but to live be social and have reproductive success.
Mind reader: to think you know what another persona is thinking or feeling just becouse you feel or would feel in a particular way on that situation. It's thought than every human being feels on the same way. That's not true, the way we understand, feel and think the situations depends on our persona beliefs thar are develop over all our life.
Arbitrary inference: You understand the situation without any logic. Something like, the winter was hot, so the summer will be rainning; or the floor of my house is from wood so your coat will be white... even if you think this examples are very extreme the truth a lot of times is that we put on relation things that has any. The superstitius or what the witches make is base a lot on this. Once a which was making me a ritual agaist the envy. In a glass of water with a horn she begin praying moving the horn with a spoon and obviously there were bubbles, this was her proof somebody envy me and was hurting me, obviously with her prays and me driking that water (that part was not easy), I would feel free and health (I'm still waiting to feel something else than nausea, this things without suggestion don't work)
Personalization: Thinking the rest have a negative attitude about you without evidence. Everything is in relation with oneself, littel sensation of control, you compare all the time with the others, understand eny experience, chat, look to analyze oneself. The most of us use to be very busy worring about us so we don't use to have a lot of time to worry about anothers, there's a study on Richard Wiseman book 59 seconds. Think a little, change a lot. The book is interesting because gives ideas to do in 59 seconds to make you more happy. besides it's funny
A BIG KISS
Mind reader: to think you know what another persona is thinking or feeling just becouse you feel or would feel in a particular way on that situation. It's thought than every human being feels on the same way. That's not true, the way we understand, feel and think the situations depends on our persona beliefs thar are develop over all our life.
Arbitrary inference: You understand the situation without any logic. Something like, the winter was hot, so the summer will be rainning; or the floor of my house is from wood so your coat will be white... even if you think this examples are very extreme the truth a lot of times is that we put on relation things that has any. The superstitius or what the witches make is base a lot on this. Once a which was making me a ritual agaist the envy. In a glass of water with a horn she begin praying moving the horn with a spoon and obviously there were bubbles, this was her proof somebody envy me and was hurting me, obviously with her prays and me driking that water (that part was not easy), I would feel free and health (I'm still waiting to feel something else than nausea, this things without suggestion don't work)
Personalization: Thinking the rest have a negative attitude about you without evidence. Everything is in relation with oneself, littel sensation of control, you compare all the time with the others, understand eny experience, chat, look to analyze oneself. The most of us use to be very busy worring about us so we don't use to have a lot of time to worry about anothers, there's a study on Richard Wiseman book 59 seconds. Think a little, change a lot. The book is interesting because gives ideas to do in 59 seconds to make you more happy. besides it's funny
A BIG KISS
what about the children?
Yesterday I had an interesting talk with my sister, my way to educate my children crash radical with my parents one so now that my sister is thinking about having a baby she'is worry about this. Talking to her I realize how many confusion there is about different concepts, for example it's confuse to be tender with being permissive.
To be tender is a needing to the children because it helps them to develop a healthy self-esteem. The self concept is the basic tool in human happiness, in addiction with the perception of control is what allows people to live a full life.
A person with a healthy self-esteem has this belief: "I'm worthy of love" "I'm valuable" (I can handle with myself and the rest effectively. I have something to offer anothers) One with good self concept trust in oneself and knows the goods and the weakness, this person depend on him/herself, makes what he/she really wants inside the self respect, he/she has tolerance and flexibility. As you can see to be able to love and respect truly oneself has a lot advantage.
As parents it's not so important to love our children (something I don't doubt is habitual) more than showing them they are loved, they are cared, so respecting them, it's amazing how the human rights are no question in adults but they are with children and old people. Despite than children have not the experience and cognitive tools than adults this don't have to involve that thear opinion is sistematic unheeded whether is a logic reason or not. When you deny or give something to a child it has to be by logic approach not because you're afraid of something or because simply you're an adult and can deny it (that's abuse of power and very unpleasant when we're the victims). What it's writen above is about respect the children, to be tender with them is independent of this, it's another question.
About being tender I only can say than I cannot see how to embrace, kiss, caress your childrem can hurt them in anyway unless your mind is really twisted
The children lear by the model we give them not by what we tell them they have to do, I know by own experiencie how hard is to be on test all day but remember you don't want they to be perfect, you want they to be happy.
the self concept of children is develop by the information we give them, if we tell them they make something bad we're correcting a behaviour, if we tell them they are bad we're attacking and disrespect them.
Another variable important to happiness is the own perception of control. The good new is than we are really able to control our lifes, we can decide in different options, we can even decide how to feel, it takes a little work to get use but if we train ourselves in critic way of thinking and understand the way our brain reason and its lacks, in the las post I was giving some irrational thoughts I will keep on giving more.
One book very interesting to parents is "Your child's Self-Esteern" Dorothy Corkille Briggs. It's a little old (1970)but very good
A kiss
To be tender is a needing to the children because it helps them to develop a healthy self-esteem. The self concept is the basic tool in human happiness, in addiction with the perception of control is what allows people to live a full life.
A person with a healthy self-esteem has this belief: "I'm worthy of love" "I'm valuable" (I can handle with myself and the rest effectively. I have something to offer anothers) One with good self concept trust in oneself and knows the goods and the weakness, this person depend on him/herself, makes what he/she really wants inside the self respect, he/she has tolerance and flexibility. As you can see to be able to love and respect truly oneself has a lot advantage.
As parents it's not so important to love our children (something I don't doubt is habitual) more than showing them they are loved, they are cared, so respecting them, it's amazing how the human rights are no question in adults but they are with children and old people. Despite than children have not the experience and cognitive tools than adults this don't have to involve that thear opinion is sistematic unheeded whether is a logic reason or not. When you deny or give something to a child it has to be by logic approach not because you're afraid of something or because simply you're an adult and can deny it (that's abuse of power and very unpleasant when we're the victims). What it's writen above is about respect the children, to be tender with them is independent of this, it's another question.
About being tender I only can say than I cannot see how to embrace, kiss, caress your childrem can hurt them in anyway unless your mind is really twisted
The children lear by the model we give them not by what we tell them they have to do, I know by own experiencie how hard is to be on test all day but remember you don't want they to be perfect, you want they to be happy.
the self concept of children is develop by the information we give them, if we tell them they make something bad we're correcting a behaviour, if we tell them they are bad we're attacking and disrespect them.
Another variable important to happiness is the own perception of control. The good new is than we are really able to control our lifes, we can decide in different options, we can even decide how to feel, it takes a little work to get use but if we train ourselves in critic way of thinking and understand the way our brain reason and its lacks, in the las post I was giving some irrational thoughts I will keep on giving more.
One book very interesting to parents is "Your child's Self-Esteern" Dorothy Corkille Briggs. It's a little old (1970)but very good
A kiss
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Typical erroneus ways of thinking
Our brain is not desing to reason with logic, it is desing to reason in a human way, prepare to a social context, we work making patterns to organizate the world, so we can find a quickly choice when we are on a similar experience. Besides our cognition is in the cortex and it's slowly than our emotions.
There are some typical mistakes to reason.
-Emotional reason: to take our emotions like an evidence that something is objetive, if I fear it is dangerous, If I like him he is a good person. One thing is the emotion that something has on us and another is its moral value. We can like something a lot and to be dangerous (anything that generates an addition), we can fear something and to be good (the vegetables on a lot of children and some adults)
-Catastrophic thinking: get the conclution tan something terrible is going to happen without evidence, in our pesimist society is a way of thinking very habitual enhanced by the television that all the time show bad news and traumatic situations forgeting than this are exceptions not the normality. One example of this it was what it happen with the flu this winter
There are some typical mistakes to reason.
-Emotional reason: to take our emotions like an evidence that something is objetive, if I fear it is dangerous, If I like him he is a good person. One thing is the emotion that something has on us and another is its moral value. We can like something a lot and to be dangerous (anything that generates an addition), we can fear something and to be good (the vegetables on a lot of children and some adults)
-Catastrophic thinking: get the conclution tan something terrible is going to happen without evidence, in our pesimist society is a way of thinking very habitual enhanced by the television that all the time show bad news and traumatic situations forgeting than this are exceptions not the normality. One example of this it was what it happen with the flu this winter
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