what about the children?

Yesterday I had an interesting talk with my sister, my way to educate my children crash radical with my parents one so now that my sister is thinking about having a baby she'is worry about this. Talking to her I realize how many confusion there is about different concepts, for example it's confuse to be tender with being permissive.
To be tender is a needing to the children because it helps them to develop a healthy self-esteem. The self concept is the basic tool in human happiness, in addiction with the perception of control is what allows people to live a full life.
A person with a healthy self-esteem has this belief: "I'm worthy of love" "I'm valuable" (I can handle with myself and the rest effectively. I have something to offer anothers) One with good self concept trust in oneself and knows the goods and the weakness, this person depend on him/herself, makes what he/she really wants inside the self respect, he/she has tolerance and flexibility. As you can see to be able to love and respect truly oneself has a lot advantage.
As parents it's not so important to love our children (something I don't doubt is habitual) more than showing them they are loved, they are cared, so respecting them, it's amazing how the human rights are no question in adults but they are with children and old people. Despite than children have not the experience and cognitive tools than adults this don't have to involve that thear opinion is sistematic unheeded whether is a logic reason or not. When you deny or give something to a child it has to be by logic approach not because you're afraid of something or because simply you're an adult and can deny it (that's abuse of power and very unpleasant when we're the victims). What it's writen above is about respect the children, to be tender with them is independent of this, it's another question.
About being tender I only can say than I cannot see how to embrace, kiss, caress your childrem can hurt them in anyway unless your mind is really twisted
The children lear by the model we give them not by what we tell them they have to do, I know by own experiencie how hard is to be on test all day but remember you don't want they to be perfect, you want they to be happy.
the self concept of children is develop by the information we give them, if we tell them they make something bad we're correcting a behaviour, if we tell them they are bad we're attacking and disrespect them.
Another variable important to happiness is the own perception of control. The good new is than we are really able to control our lifes, we can decide in different options, we can even decide how to feel, it takes a little work to get use but if we train ourselves in critic way of thinking and understand the way our brain reason and its lacks, in the las post I was giving some irrational thoughts I will keep on giving more.
One book very interesting to parents is "Your child's Self-Esteern" Dorothy Corkille Briggs. It's a little old (1970)but very good
A kiss